Once a perpetrator gains a person's trust through coercive tactics, the victim becomes a "complacent" victim, which means the targeted individual is pressured to respond to the coerced interaction under the pretense of professional guidance, but not consenting. Consent can never be given with a clergyperson because of his position of power and authority over his congregants. For Orthodox Christian faithful, clergy stand-in as a reflection of Christ. This means consent is completely dissolved for the parishioner abused by the clergy. 

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Offenders use "grooming" as a prelude to sexually assaulting and abusing their victim. Grooming is a method to build trust with a child, teen or adult with the intent to gain alone time and create a "special relationship" founded on manipulation. It involves "reading" the victim and using careful attunement.  Some offenders may groom for years, and some may groom multiple victims at the same time.  The cycle of abuse involves escalation, intermittent violence and small rewards to break down the sense of identity of the victim. Grooming can include gift-giving, asking for help with tasks, promises of reward, or the gradual erosion of boundaries.

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Progression of Boundary Violations in Clergy-Parishioner Relationships

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• Increased Communication: The clergyperson may begin contacting the parishioner more frequently or during earlier or later hours, gradually shifting the tone or nature of the relationship.

• Asking For Assistance With Special Projects: When the parishioner chosen for special projects has no particular skill or training in the given task(s), this is a red flag. 

• In-Person Meetings: Initially framed as collaboration on a ministry-related project, meetings may gradually evolve to include shared meals or coffee before or after the collaborative work. Over time, these meetings may occur without any professional pretext, normalizing social interactions that may otherwise have raised concern.

• Personal Disclosures: The clergyperson may begin to share personal or marital struggles—whether real or exaggerated—as a means of eliciting reciprocal disclosures from the parishioner, particularly around topics such as dissatisfaction or vulnerability in their own life.

• Emotional Enmeshment: The parishioner may be positioned as a confidant, with statements such as “I’ve never told anyone this before…” This dynamic increases emotional intimacy and blurs professional boundaries.

• Excessive or Inappropriate Compliments: The clergyperson may offer frequent affirmations or compliments that go beyond what is appropriate in a pastoral relationship, potentially targeting the parishioner’s appearance, character, or personal qualities.

• Attribution of Thoughts or Feelings: The clergyperson may begin to tell the parishioner what they are thinking or feeling—projecting intentions or emotional states—thus undermining the parishioner’s autonomy or self-awareness.

• Dual Relationships: The clergyperson may invite the parishioner into their personal or family life, creating a dual relationship that further erodes professional boundaries and complicates the power dynamic.

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Examples of Negative Reinforcement Following a Period of Grooming

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These tactics are typically employed only after a sustained period of grooming and careful attunement, making their impact significantly more disorienting and psychologically destabilizing for the victim. They serve to assert control, reinforce dependency, and suppress resistance.

• Intermittent Withdrawal: The clergyperson may suddenly reduce or cease communication or engagement without explanation. This unpredictability mirrors patterns of intermittent reinforcement common in abusive dynamics, causing the victim to become increasingly anxious and preoccupied with regaining the previously positive connection. An attempt to regain the previous level of attunement and care is a normal, human response to an abrupt withdrawal from an authority or pastoral care figure. Unfortunately, this can later also lead to greater shame and self-blame on the part of the victim for seeking out something very harmful. Inadequate training surrounding these dynamics can create further harm by responders.  

• Punitive Exclusion: The victim may be removed from a ministry role, volunteer task, or leadership position under vague or unjustified pretenses. This form of punishment often follows subtle or overt acts of boundary-setting or perceived disobedience, and it communicates that access to community or purpose is conditional upon compliance and continued emotional availability.

• Abrupt Negative Feedback Following Prolonged Affirmation: After an extended period of praise, affirmation, or emotional support, the clergyperson may abruptly offer harsh criticism or express disappointment in the victim’s character, competence, or spiritual condition. This sudden reversal can cause significant confusion and emotional distress, particularly if the victim has come to rely on the clergyperson for pastoral validation, guidance, or a sense of worth.

• Unfavorable Comparisons: The victim may be compared to others—real or hypothetical—in a way that highlights their perceived shortcomings, inadequacies, or moral failings. These comparisons are often subtle and framed as constructive, but their true function is to undermine the victim’s confidence, increase their dependency on the abuser's approval, and cultivate a sense of unworthiness or inferiority.

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The punishment/reward cycle functions to instill gratitude in the victim for the abuser talking to them. The coercive control involves (1) isolation of the victim, (2) degradation, and (3) forcing victim to violate their moral code (see the Milgram experiment on obedience to authority). These dynamics mirror those found within cases of domestic or intimate partner violence.

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These behaviors may be completely private and out of view for anyone except the target, making it feel easier to blame the target of the clergyperson's behavior. Survivors who have experienced abuse or exploitation often report the erosion of their boundaries during periods of heightened vulnerability or change (moving, loss of job, loss of spouse, divorce, death) or bereavement. 

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